Maintaining Good Relationships is Never Wrong

Ask anyone walking down the street if they try to maintain good relationships with people they know and their replies are probably yes. Ask them again for the reasons and their answers probably range from lack of choice (such as “he/she determines the outcome of my performance appraisal”) to personal preference (such as “cultivating good relationships is part of my inherent nature). I have no doubt many will give reasons somewhere between the two. So which of the two is the correct one? Apparently none. Each reason is valid despite being at different end of the spectrum.

For lack of choice, let’s be pragmatic. All of us are living in the world whereby interacting with people around us, irregardless of our status or positions is a necessity, not an option to get things done. Even the US President, dubbed the most powerful man on earth, has to live by this rule. He has to maintain good relationships with the Congressmen and Senators because they determine whether his proposed bill is passed or not. He has to maintain good relationships with the other world leaders because without their support, he will not be able to push his agenda. President Bush’s hawkish attitude towards Iran effectively cut bilateral relations between the two countries, with Iran continuing its nuclear research. If he had maintained good relationships with the Iranian leaders despite his personal displeasure with their occasional anti-US rhetoric, perhaps the nuclear issues would have been resolved.

As for personal preference, life is full of surprises. Even with proper planning and calculated decisions, we can never eliminate systematic risk. Consequently, accurately predicting future outcomes is impossible. Now, we may think we will never rely on some people for help and hence do not bother to maintain good relationships with them. But as we proceed with life, plans may change and we suddenly realize we need these people after all. Put yourself in their shoes. If you are one of them, would you provide your help? Well, perhaps you would if you are a nice guy. However, it is also highly likely you may decline to help because the past events still linger in your mind.

A good friend of mine experienced both extremes first hand. While we were still studying in the university, he did his final year project under a well-known faculty member. He was unhappy with his supervisor over certain insignificant issues. Instead of setting them aside, he expressed it through his work ethic. Unimpressed, his supervisor gave him a non-commendable grade.

Subsequently, he moved to the financial industry. All the while, he never tried to mend his soured relationship with his supervisor because he was confident the different nature of the two areas means he would never need his supervisor’s help under any circumstances. After working for three years, he decided to enroll for a postgraduate course and one of the entry requirements is references from academic supervisors. Obviously, he had no courage to approach his supervisor for the precious reference letters.

Irrespective of your reasons, always keep in mind that maintaining good relationships is something worth nurturing and instilling.